Monday, October 31, 2005

From SusieQ's Collection of Scary Halloween Stories


It is Halloween night, circa 1950, in Southern Illinois where outhouses are still commonplace. A band of teenage boys with highly questionable intentions are roving the countryside. Occasionally as they plod through the thickets, they start shoving each other till someone falls down. Then they burst into laughter that sounds like it comes from neither a boy nor a man but something in between.

As they approach old man Murphy's place, one of them blurts out "Hey, let's get Murphy's outhouse like we did last year." Everyone joins in a resounding "Shit damn, let's!" Their enthusiasm nearly peaks as they recall what they had done to Murphy's outhouse the year before. (What they had done the year before was to carefully lift the outhouse and move it back a few feet so that the hole was in front the outhouse. As the story goes, Old Man Murphy upon making his final trip to the outhouse that night before going to bed walked right into the hole.)

The boys move quietly and slowly onto Murphy's property and toward the back of the outhouse. It is a two seater which makes it all the more fun. With nearly every step they take, the fallen leaves crunch beneath their feet sending off a warning signal to anyone who might be listening. It can't be helped. But it stops the boys in their tracks for a spell and they don't proceed until they are fairly certain that nobody has heard them.

The crescent moon gives off little light and easily slips behind one of the wispy clouds in the sky making the night practically pitch dark at times. In the darkness, the outhouse is barely recognizable. The boys grope their way through the dark to the back of the outhouse and are nearly within reach of it when suddenly there is chaos. A chorus of desperate screeches and howls erupts that can be heard a mile away. Grabbing at the earth, the boys struggle to get back up onto dry land.

Old man Murphy is in the dimly lit parlor of his house. He is sitting comfortably in a platform rocker with his feet propped up on a footstool. He turns on the table lamp that is nearby. With a smirk on his face, he casually lights his pipe and gives it a few puffs. Then, with a twinkle in his eye, he snaps open the newspaper that's been sitting in his lap for some time and proceeds to read it.

(This is based on a true story. My brother-in-law was one of those roving teenagers. Suspecting that the boys might be back again the following year to move his outhouse, old man Murphy (this wasn't his real name) decided to be the trickster this time. Knowing, if they showed up, that the boys would approach from the back of the outhouse in order to lift it, he moved the outhouse forward so that the boys would fall into the hole....which they did.)


  1. HA!!! Great (gross) story. And I love that Old Man Murphy got the last laugh.

  2. Thanks for stopping by Meegan. Imagine that sort of thing happening today. Everyone involved would be arrested including Old Man Murphy for child endangerment or something along those lines.

  3. Howdy! caught you on L. guys site. That was a pretty good row, eh? Young & self-rightous meets old & self-rightous. They'll both learn something from it. Your story reminds me of my Dad telling us about when the boys took some mean old guys Model T, took it apart 7 put it on his roof.
    Also, I grew up w/outhouses untill I was 12. I think we were the only people at that time that still had one. Visit me at my site. Chow!

  4. Hi |>t, thanks for stopping by. Yes that was quite a row over at L. Guys site. But you know I've been reading a lot of Sean's posts at his blog today. He is brilliant in his presentation. Beautiful writing. (You never know. He might eavesdrop here. I want to stay on his good side.)

    Funny thing, my husband grew up with outhouses, too, till he was 13. He talks about his outhouse days with such pride you'd think they were a badge of honor or something.

    I actually am jealous at times that I didn't have an outhouse, too, when I was growing up and had to settle for indoor plumbing.

    Same goes for his accounts of the two room school he attended as a youngster in Southern Illinois. I get jealous. I had to settle for a nice size private school.

    I'll drop by your blog tomorrow. Thanks for coming by mine.

  5. SusieQ, thanks for the info. But, I don't think j-g & I would really have much to say to each other. So, it's O.K. I just like to face up when i've done some thing mean to someone.

  6. You're welcome L>T. You indicated you wanted to apologize to her other than at Language Guy's blog. That is why I suggested you email her since she isn't allowing people to leave comments at her blog anymore.

  7. Good for Murphy! I love it.

    This was good for a laugh, God knows I need em.

  8. good for old man murphy
    thanks for the laugh!

  9. I love your stories susieq, keep up the good work.

  10. That's so hilarious!You have relieved us from school for a few funny minutes! Thanks!
    Sarah and Rebekah

  11. Well done!
    [url=]My homepage[/url] | [url=]Cool site[/url]

  12. Good design! |